Archive for Durham HOP
An Update
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Here I am sitting at the church listing to Lorna play after just having been done at the Dr’s office and really just thinking to myself.. what an amazing 4 weeks I have never been more excited about life then in a long long time. I recently started dating the most amazing women in the world. I never thought that I would ever date her in a million years. We met when we were 10 and well from time to time we lost track of each other and in the last few months have been connecting.
When I love about her most is how she is so independent.. how she takes charge of what she wants and goes for it. When she knows what she wants there is no stopping her. She is so amazing a person inside and out.. We talk about everything.. there is almost nothing that I don’t tell her. Late night chats on the phone.. time apart so I can do my church thing and then we catch up. She is so supportive of what I do here at the church. She is all around the perfect women (at least in my eyes)
What else is been going on.. well not much… I am turning 31 on Saturday and going from there. I am going to be visiting with a friend of mine who is also having a birthday on the same day. So it should be an exciting weekend. This weekend is also fathers day and my mothers birthday all in the same day.. How fun is that. So this should be a very exciting week.
As for the church we just finished up the online store and its products. take a look at www.theembassyofgod.com/store/ Pastor Matt and Ron Prestage did an awesome job on the covers for the cds and boxes and I worked hard on getting the sermons in order and edited for sale. We together were as Ron said a machine in getting the website done and running. WordPress is the most awesome tool in the world for this stuff. We are going to unveil it to the church this Sunday
What else has been going on.. well just doing my stuff for my self.. I am working on getting all of my movies and tv shows on to my portable hard drive and into my Itunes so that I can watch them on the computer at anytime I want.. I have my MacBook setup to run off the TV . I can in my Itunes watch anything I want from movies to tv to listing to music It Rocks! Plus I am still doing all of the church stuff that I normally do.
Really working hard at the church these days.. The store took up most of our time.. but I am still doing sound and media work.. Joined the intercessor team for the Worship team and working hard on my proverbs study. My gal is now doing it along side me. She is always challenging me to go higher in the things of the Lord and I love her for that. She wants to make sure that we have put God first before anything else in our relationship and that has always been my primary goal with this relationship is to put him first. She is awesome!
Not much more then that is going on. I really don’t have much to say. So I will close for now.
Till Next Entry
An Update: I am Still Here!
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I always say this but… It has been some time since I posted any of my thoughts and or writings and that is because I have not really had anything to say or share. I mostly wanted to share the fact that The International House of Prayer was going to have there live prayer room now as a free web stream rather then paid subscription etc..
But.. now I am ready to share some things with you. Lets start off first saying I cannot believe that I have not posted since November and cannot believe that I have had nothing to say just share. Things have really changed in my life. I am now on a very strict ministry schedule and will be taking more time to spend with the Lord in prayer, studies, and meditation and really be holding to this. Yes I know things can change and that from time to time but for the most part this schedule is set in stone. (click here )
I have been really working hard on my studies in the book proverbs and really understanding so much about what proverbs is saying not only about God’s lessons but about how is applies to my life and how much I really did not know. It is amazing how God can reveal things through the various translations and version of the word. I find it interesting how one translation can word something as compared to another. I just got for Christmas The Jimmy Swaggart Expositor Study Bible in the 1611 King James version with modified words for the modern english and even that is an interesting change.
I really love the New American Standard Bible as my primary translation, but will use this closely as the secondary translation. It has so much to offer in the way of commentary and insight. Another good translation for the most part is The Message.. a modern day english translation of God’s Word. At times it translates things and you go “What The Hell” but it is in such plain english that you at times can step back and Go Dude I get it.
In all my life I have never taken more notes and written down more things about the bible. I am really finding a lot of insight about what God is saying in his word and for my life. All of my notes have been placed in a members only website that I hope some day to put out there for everyone to read. But right now this is a season for me to keep in the hidden place and let other come into their glory.
Speaking of that.. The hidden place.. what a lonely place this can be.. what a hard season this is for me to let other come into their glory or to let others do things that you know you can do but even if is is not as well as others. Web Site design is one of those things that I have trouble letting others help me with unless I want it. I some times forget that I have to sit back and let others come into their glory. I love media, web, and just general technology that I tend to want to take it all for myself. This is one of many things that the Lord has been working on changing in me.
Ministry: Most times when I get into a ministry and really start pouring myself into it and things I know I am good at and when portions of it get taken away I am easily hurt. All my life I never really had a place that I belonged to, even in high school the people that I hung out with were called the Nerd Herd and have become, were and are my closest friends.
So when something is taken away I can easily get hurt by it. This happened to me this week and I will say no more about that subject. It has happened in a few places that I am currently volunteering in. I am not looking for sympathy just another of those things the Lord is working on dealing with me.
I really enjoy what I do and when you are like me with my disabilities and all you tend to have a hard time letting people into your space and when you do find a place that you think you finally belong to you tend to hold on to it, some times way to tight. Now this could be me or it could be just us Geeks 4 God. Who knows, I just know me and who I am.
Over the last 3 years I have been privledged to work with some of the best people I have ever met. 2 years ago I had the pleasure of coming along side the Durham House of Prayer and well it was the best thing thats ever happend to me. In these last 3 years I met my mentor and friend, learned lots about ministry and learn more about prayer then I would have if I had never come along side the DHOP team. God has been good to me! I just sometimes forget it and focus on the rotten side of life.
But my personal life? What is going on there? Well not a whole lot. I have been sick off and on the last two weeks and therefore missed my last two specialist appointments. I ended up with a Chest cold that knocked me flat plus my Fibromyalgia flair ups and all the medications I am on don’t help the situation. I think that is part of the reason that things this week went the way they did.
I have also been working on getting this website’s pages finished and up and running. It’s the blog portion of the site that will be on going. I am learning alot about WordPress but if anyone knows how to take the menu and use external links to things like twitter, facebook etc.. that would be awesome. I added a great page with all of the Social Media I am connected to.. I did not realized that I am in so many places on the internet using names like matthewdykstra, mjsd, geek4god etc.. I really gotta get things together into one place and lead you out to the others. When I really sat down and looked it all over I thought to myself I am on the internet way to much and in way to many places.
This is why soon this url will be eliminated and I will be adding a domain to the mix. With its own e-mail. I just gotta find a good host for it. I just recently bought dhop.ca for the Durham House of Prayer which also owns durhamhop.com I am not totally sure how we are going to use it but I did not want to see that get taken. So I have enlisted the opinion of my friends and technical buddies to help me pick a domain for this site. I even asked them to help me pick what type of domain I am doing to use. So far 2 for .com and 1 for .ca but the name I currently want is avail in .com, .net, .org and .ca. I won’t tell you what I am looking for until I get the name that I want.
If you want to suggest a domain name for the site that would be awesome just click on the e-mail button under contact and let me know what you think.
Other then that and getting distracted I really have nothing else to chat about. If I keep going I will ramble. So I will stop here.
Till Next Entry
Serving The Lord, Serving With The Right Heart
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It has been some time since I wrote and you all must be wondering where did he go?. I am still here and Still serving the Lord but I am in a interesting season right now and I hope some day to tell you more about it.. But I got to thinking today…. so here we go…
It is Monday November 23, 2009 and I just got off a major conference with Larry Randolph and Bob Jones and I was put en-charged of over seeing the editing and duplication of all the audio/cd sermons (as well as an mp3 disc) and well I began to think
1. We just produced over 600+ cds
2. We had a great team of people who were serving with the right heart
3. Boy I need a rest LOL
But in all of that I began to think what is really serving with the right heart. I have been in ministry now for over 3 years and really it is a question that we should ask our selves on a daily basis. What is serving with the right heart.
Lately I have been pondering that in my own ministry. I have been going through a rough period and really just had to sit back and re-evaluate why I am still serving (or volunteering) in God’s House? and what are my motives? Are they personal, or selfish or self-serving or even just because my church (or place I volunteer at) needs help?. Well if you have been following my journal/blog/diary then you will know that is not the case. But in all things we must re-evaluate what we are doing.
I believe that serving (or volunteering) with the right heart looks like this
1. We want to serve Jesus/God/Christ not serve the Pastor, Preacher, Evangelist etc.. If we are just there because (put name here) needs help then we are not serving God.. We have to first want to serve God before we serve anyone else..
You see I have a great set of mentors one from embassy | this generation and one from Durham House of Prayer and both are teaching me things and both do need my help but like I stated above if I only want to help my two mentors and submit only to what they want and not what the Lord is telling me to do (both in my private time and through them) then what good am I to the Kingdom.
2. We want to further the kingdom of God on the earth.. “…On Earth as it is in Heaven Matthew 6:10 (NASB)” Everything we do should be for the greater good of furthering Gods work on the earth.
I believe that in this day and age we should have no problems with this like it says in Mark 16:14 “..Go into the world. Go everywhere and announce the Message of God’s good news to one and all… (MSG)”
As a person who loves technology this is one of the best ways to Go into all the world and preach the good news. I just created a site with all of the young adult sermons in an easy to find and organized manner. So as to get the good news of what God is doing out to the nations. With the media and technology these days we can be in some remote part of the world or some small town like Bowmanville , Ontario, Canada and get the news out there.
Look at www.god.tv and see what they are doing with Media and Technology. Even look at International House of Prayer with a live 24hr prayer room feed you can at any time of the night put on the prayer room and join in with Kansas City USA right in your part of the world in Prayer.
It brings to mind a verse from Revelations 11:9 (from The Message Bible) that says “…For three and a half days they’ll be there—exposed, prevented from getting a decent burial, stared at by the curious from all over the world…” now how in this day in age will that happen.. The Media meaning internet, digital TV and satellite and many forms that we have not even seen or heard of yet.
3. What is our motives for serving the kingdom are we doing it to help (put name here) or are we doing it to get the rewards that come with serving (lunches, use of equipment we don’t have, free entry into a conference or something to do because we are disabled or have no job right now) or are we doing it because we want to serve The Kingdom..
This reminds me of a verse out of Matthew 6:5-6 Jesus was teaching his deciples how to pray he went on to say to them about doing things in public and that we should go to the secret place.. well I believe that we should be serving in the secret place meaning that first we cannot be doing our serving to be seen by man (or everyone) and to say look at me I am serving the kingdom praise me praise me.. we should just go about doing our duties and if we are never seen by man God sees us and will reward us. The portions of the verse I found went like this.. here is two versions of that verse (same portions)
New American Standard Version (NASB)
V5 “…so that they may be seen by men Truly I say to you, they have their reward in full…”
V6 “…go into your inner room, close your door and pray to your Father who is in secret, and your Father who sees what is done in secret will reward you…”
The Message (MSG)
V5 “And when you come before God, don’t turn that into a theatrical production either. All these people making a regular show out of their prayers, hoping for stardom! Do you think God sits in a box seat?”
V6 “Find a quiet, secluded place so you won’t be tempted to role-play before God. Just be there as simply and honestly as you can manage. The focus will shift from you to God, and you will begin to sense his grace.”
Yes it is nice once and a while to know that we are doing a good job by those who God placed over us such as mentors , friends, family, etc.. but really in the end it is what God thinks that totally matters. We must keep our motive pure and serve in the right heart.
What are your motives? Here are mine
Mine are simple.. Yes, I have a disability that keeps me from having a job that wants me to work a 40 hr a week. Yes I know that being in ministry is my destiny and calling .. but really it is simple.. I want to take the giftings that the Lord has blessed me with and using them to bless others. IE sermons.embassyonline.ca .
I want to get the message of Jesus/God/Christ out there for all who are not saved to know the Love and Grace that I have found. I want others to live with Joy. I want to teach others that there is more to life then just problems and the day to day stuff that we must go through. There is a God who loves us, cares for us and just wants to have a one on one relationship and help us to be in the place that he has destined for each of us.
My prayer for you all is that when you are serving or volunteering in the kingdom weather at the church, nursing home, or even going that extra un-paid mile at your work that you do. Do it with the heart of God and as a good friend always says “Do It Unto The Lord”
But remember this much.. If I have to check myself after 3 years of ministry and volunteering.. make sure you check your motives once and a while too. You would be amazed at what you find and what needs to be cleaned out.. Get rid of all those roots not just the bad fruit.. but that is an entry for another day LOL
Be Blessed!
I Am Back
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Well it has been a long few days if you read my last post I got the flu on Saturday and since then have had to take some time away from all of my church duties and such to recuperate and get better. My grandmother ended up in the hospital due to it and my parents both got really sick. But what did I learn from all this?
Well the obvious is this.. I hate being sick, I had being in so much pain you can’t sit, can’t lie down, can’t walk around the house. I hate not being at the church and doing what I love the most to do. I hate that my surgery got delayed. But again what did I learn? Well I learned that the Creative Arts Team and I have been praying about for embassy | this generation and Durham House of Prayer had to take over this week and run the show without me. That is really hard for me to grasp and really hard for me to let go of.
Like I said in my last entry I sense that God is putting me through a huge time of testing. I feel he is say okay I have sent you the team, you have trained them up now are you going to let them do some of the work. I was struggling with this and well this week I had no choice. Only when I get back to work on Tuesday will I be able to see how well things ran without me. I have always had this mentality that no one could do it without me and over the last few months my mentor and good friend Josh have been dealing with all of that as well as many of my roots.
My mentor and I have been dealing with this since I can on board in 2007 as a once a week assistant to him and I can not say this has been hard but I learned something at Durham House of Prayer last week which was that when I get into these types of situations I just have to get down on my knees and pray “Lord I Trust in You” meaning no matter what the situation, trail or set back that we can trust in the Lord Almighty to help us through it. Weather a Surgery, Letting Go of an only I can mentality or financial issues we can make it through anything.
I have just had to sit back and realize that I cannot do it all.. when you pray for something like a Creative Arts team and then don’t use them you are one saying to God I need this but don’t want them around and two you are killing the gifting that is inside of the people that God sent us. As much as I want to be 100% hands on I cannot always be. I am the type of person that wants to do it all and wants to always say yes but in the last few days I have said NO to everything. I am not setting foot in the church until Tuesday I want to make sure that I am fully rested and ready to go. I cannot risk that happing again.
This was a nasty flu that hit me and my family. This was something I have not felt since 2002 when I almost ended up in the hospital. If it was not for a close family I might have. I thank the Lord for all that he has done and for all that is to come. But as for me I am back still not 100% yet but getting there.
Till Next Entry
Random Thoughts 6 of Many: Learning To Slow Down
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the last two weeks have been crazy I have been doing lots around the church I have been there almost 6 days
February 24 –> This Generation (all day)
February 26 –> Durham House of Prayer
February 28 –> Women’s Mini-Conference doing sound and recordings
March 1 –> both AM & PM Services
March 3 –> This Generation (all day)
March 5 –> Durham House of Prayer
March 6 –> All Night Prayer (8:00 pm – 4:30 am)
Saturday I get the Flu yes you heard me the flu .. I was not impressed.. I was ready to kill something.. then I realized what is going on.. I have not really rested and taken time out for me. I have not taken the time to rest up and just do what I want to do. I pushed my self so hard (other then my prayer time each morning) that I just crashed (if that is the way to put it)
Last night I realized that I needed to pursue him more (then I do) and not do so much. You see it is not about works but about the time you spend with God in your prayer closet or as some call it the secret place. Then God can then use you because you submit yourself to him.
Over the last 7 or 8 years (I think) I have been battling a lot of health conditions and this weekend I was preparing for my surgery on Monday when blam! this hit.. I now know that they are going to put this off and I am going to have to look into another date. A good friend of mine from Durham House of Prayer did mention this to me about slowing down..
I have never been that type of person. I never wanted my disabilities (here’s 1 ) to slow me down. But at times I have to listen to my body and most times I don’t so I end up crashing and this is not the first time. But this winter has been the worst for me. I have had the flu 3 times to the point were I Vomit. Why don’t I listen? Why don’t I slow down? This is who I am push till I crash.
to my parents, good friends at Durham House of Prayer and my mentor .. all I have to say is you are right.. I need to take more time for me as much as I want to serve you with my gift I need to look at all I am doing and start to slow things down. Guess this is my next root Josh guess this is me finally listening to all of the people who have told me this for years now.
Well that is all for me, Till Next Entry!
Update: I Am Still Here
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It has been some time since I wrote again but not because I wanted to.. I just wanted to wait and get some things done.
Since my last post in February just before Val day I have been up to a whole lot of things. Just this past weekend I attended the embassy | this generation school of ministry and took the course Kingdom Authority.. what an awesome class. There was only 3 of us and we had such an awesome time. We were able to chat and talk about things more open then in a class of many. I was so amazed to learn about how God sets up authority in our lives and how he can give and take power away. I was also amazed to learn how many of the profits in the bible all were from the lowest of low. David and Moses were shepherds before becoming men of God, Jesus spent his life helping his faith Joesph as a carpenter before starting his ministry. There was so much that I took from this course that I will write about in a later entry.
Then I spent most of last week working on a Durham House of Prayer Members only audio archive site using wordpress . This site consits of all of our recordings since DHOP moved to The Embassy of The Kingdom of God church in Oshawa.
What impresses me the most is the fact that I took the time to make each date an entry that consists of anywhere from two to three audio files. Even the cycles that we do are devided into sperate mp3 files. Then I organized the topics that we prayed on into categories and then listed the scriptures that were prayed along side the topic. All in all just doing the 2008 recordings were about a week total. I had a blast setting this up and all of the plugins make it easy to setup and maintain this site. I used plugins such as podpress , redirect (to www.durhamhop.com), scriptureizer (one of my favs) and one or two others to get this working the way I needed it to.
See Below
Then after a week of Web Design and Learning we still had Sunday Service and that was totally awesome also. Sunday Morning Pastor Doug Spoke on Song of Solomon Part 6 and then Sunday Night we had our Change Point nights and that was totally awesome becuase during that service Pastor Derek called up for healings on neck injruies and my sister went up and he also prophisde over her. That totally rocked!
So my week was busy and I just wanted to give my readers an update that I am here and still kicking.. I hope to have more writings for you very soon.
Be Blessed!
Random Thoughts 5 of Many
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It has been sometime since I have posted in my journal/blog/diary whatever you would like to call it.. non the less it has been sometime because I have taken some time to hear from the Holy Spirit and hear what he would have to say for my life.
My Good friend Lorna from Durham House of Prayer gave me an incredible teaching on how to meditate in God’s word and how to hear from God about his scriptures and get revolation of his word. I was so engulfed in it the other day I could not stop. You knew that this was a teaching from the Holy Spirit. I could sense him in the room like I had never sensed before. I was just amazed at what the teaching had to offer.
This is a season for me of Testing and Transformation I have never been more excited in a season then I have since the Lord brought me back to the church. I have never seen more change in me then in these last few months. Even in my family, friends and relationships things are changing all around. Getting up between 4:00 – 5:00 6 days a week to get into God’s word, pray and maybe even listen to a sermon or two has been so much fun and I look forward to it each and every day.
People have said to me that I am starting to look good, there is light in my eyes and many other things. I accept that with all Grace and Humility because I know I have the Lord inside of me and he is the one who can do all things. I am just the vessel in which the Lord is using me. Latley I have been praying for things that I have needed and not much prayer for others. I know this may sound selfish and mabey even one sided but as for this season I need to get some things in order for me to move into the next.
One important thing is to get out of my current place where I am living and into what I would call a real apartment. The second thing I have been praying for is kinda special to me. I won’t go into great detail but there is a women I really like and I have been praying for Guidence and Direction on how to go about pursuing her. There is something about her that I really like about her and really want to do this acording to God’s will. My Pastor preached a really good sermon on this topic that we posted on the embassy | this generation site that you can listen to below this post. This had to be the best sermon in the whole dating series that he taught on. (see below this entry)
But enough about that.. This week for me has been a hard one. I missed my prayers on Thursday both my morning ones and the ones before DHOP and wow the whole day felt off and the whole day felt different.. even doing sound felt off. What was so funny is that the whole DHOP team felt it was the best night of sound that I had ever done. I don’t know what it was but the Lord was working with me as I turned each knob, raised and lowered each slider but what ever We (the Lord and I) did it worked out perfectly.
I Love what I do and I love working with the team both embassy | this generation and Durham House of Prayer and there is nothing in the world that could top that.. well other then my time with the Lord. I look forward to each and every time that I can serve.
We just reciently had our All Night Prayer (ANP) and well let me say it was one of war both in the corporate and in the personal. That whole day nothing was going right for me. That whole day nothing felt good. I knew there was a change in the schedule, I knew that there was something going on that needed to change but I just was not feeling good about anything.
I got to the church to setup and that was fine.. until the sound person came for our first Worship Team and started to play with the sound board and learn how it works. I was not impressed I need my music on I needed to feel the bass in the room and I needed to prepare my heart for ANP and well just him screwing with the board was not working. I just needed my music and I wanted it my way. Even the recordings did not go as I needed them. Finally i picked up on an attack of the enemy and as Durham House of Prayer began to sin You won’t relent I got on my knees and and I asked the lord just to help me and give me what I needed to get the recording right.
Well I went back up to the sound board and just as I did Pastor Matt turned up the bass guitar and we got some in the recordings. I never felt more stupid in all my life. Why did I not pickup on that right away? Why did I get so upset and feel like I did not belong? Why did not I spend extra time in prayer for ANP that week? I don’t know even my mentor picked up on something was not right and he prayed through it.
I Learned something that day.. This is a season that is also a season of learning and teaching myself stuff. God has given me people around me to help guide me and keep me on the right path. I know you know who you are and I thank you for that. but alast I am falling a sleep at the computer so enjoy the sermon and I’ll be back with another entry soon
Godly Conduct in Relationships
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Consistent Devotional Life
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It is 12:50 am and I am finding it hard to sleep tonight, part of that is I just wanted to spend some time with my sister and we played the ever classic Super Nintedo Entertainment System but… that did not help me get to sleep at all. Today has been an interesting day for me. I woke up at 6:00 am which is not my usual 4:00 am prayer time and sat down and got ready to do my prayers. I prayed that the Lord would help me to understand my bible and help to open it up in a better way then ever before. As I sat down, turned on my audio bible and started to follow along with my New American Standard Bible , I feel a sleep again and woke up at 10:00. I was not impressed.
I could attribute that to a long day serving my young adult’s group embassy | this generation and that I need to make Wednesdays my day of double manna and get the sleep I need to recuperate. If you don’t understand this then you should listen to a sermon series my pastor just finished on the Power of a Consistent Devotional Life (see audio below this message) in it he makes reference to the scripture from Exodus 16:4-5 where God made manna (bread) rain down from heaven and the the people of Israel were to take only what they needed for that day and on the 6th day God would give them enough to sustain them for the 6th and 7th day. Pastor Derek preached that what ever day we choose as our 6th day God will sustain us for the 7th.
Manna is in reference to God’s Word. We must be in constant prayer and the reading of God’s Word to sustain us in our life. I find that days when I miss a great time of Worship , Praise, Getting in to the Word and Prayer my day is shot. I cannot fuction, sermons don’t get edited, and nothing I want to get to really gets done. Just as one example I tried all day to get into editing two sessions of House of Prayer and Yesterdays Sermon and that did not happen, I got though one house of prayer sermon, had dinner and crashed in front of the TV . I felt lost today.
But my prayers these days have been feeling waited down even the most simpliest of prayers have felt like there is a weight to them. I cannot put my finger on it but every time I get into prayer they seem so heavy. I don’t know if it is me or if others are feeling it, but I know this much there is somthing going on. I would love to know what the Lord is doing in my life right now. I know that I was told this is a time of Testing and a time to just work on getting to the deep roots of some things that have not been delt with.
I am officially on my 4th week of getting up early and spending time with God and just loving it. I would do anything to spend time in his word. I just wonder why the last two Wednesdays I am so tired and beat. I love to pray and I love to interceed for people more then myself. I feel really blessed with all that I have from my ODSP to Family to Volunteering in the Church I love what I do and Have. I just feel selfish asking God for things for me when I am so blessed. I would rather take care of the needs of my family, friends and ministry then for myself maybe that is wrong but that is how I feel. I would rather pray for anything else but me.
I am finding it so much easier to turn off the TV these days and spend time with God, I find it so much more easy to connect and get into the presence of God. I have days were I cannot connect with him and it bugs me alot when I cannot. I don’t have to feel him to know he is there but there are days when I just need a bit of his presence to let me know I am on the right track. I love getting a word from God to deliver to others and I love to hear what God is saying to people through me.
I am finding that Ministry and Computer is only one portion of who I am. I am finding that I am a child of the most high and that works will not get me saved. I need to focus on the “Giver and not the Gifts” and trust that all the things that we have to get done in a day will come to pass. I know that if I focus on him everything else is gravy!
Thats it for me. I hope that you get some sleep and see you all tomarrow
Be Blessed!
Listen to A Consistant Devotional Life Here
Part 1:
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Part 2:
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Part 3:
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Random Thoughts 3 of Many
Posted by: | CommentsHello,
As I sit here with my thoughts.. I begin to wonder what is going on with me this week? If you have read my other entry I posted this week then you would know that I am strugglin’ with a few things. Getting up early and spending time with God has not worked well for me this week and it is not getting easier. I missed one day already this week and today I missed my morning alarm. Now I could attribute that to a long night at Durham House of Prayer or I could just say it was me hitting the snooze.. either way I did not do my morning prayers.
Lets just say this week has been a hard week of pressing in and talking to God. I am lost in a world of thoughts, things to do, projects and sermon editing. But as if that was not enough. I still feel bad about what happend on Thursday morning. I know that I am forgiven but still cannot get it out of my mind. Now you might be asking yourself “he is a leader inthe This Generation group, He knows is bible, He loves the Lord?” and you are right but we all need to have fresh manna or fresh oil in our lamps. Without it my ministry work is meaningless and I don’t want to be a guy that does works, I want to be the guy that is fulling filled with a good portion of spirit and works.
Now I realize that this may sound funny to you but we need to have a balance of what we do. Works cannot get us anymore into heaven then being saved. Being all spirit filled can be a good thing but to much of the spirit (in my opinion) can be a bad thing. We need the right balance of prayer, reading our bible, studing the sermons and works.
I volunteer very heavely at This Generation Embassy Worship and Durham House of Prayer and I know my calling is inside the church but… is that really enough.. no.. ministry cannot just be works. I know I stated that already but it is so important to maintain that balance. I am just having a hard time pressing in. Weather in my personal time, prayer before DHOP or Prayer before This Generation I am just not going to the level I could be.
I want to hit that level and I am just not getting there.. Is The Lord Grived With Me? Is It I Cannot turn my mind off of the other things I have to get done? What is it? I don’t have a clue anymore.. I just know for me it is hard to turn off all that has to get done. I just wish I could.
At Durham House of Prayer we prayed for the Does God Exist Debate? at Campus Church and I just got a feeling that as a group of us who could not press in was from things, (spirits if you will) around us trying to keep us from praying into this trying to distract us. All week from Wednesday onword this has been the feeling I have been getting. Even today I just cannot find the time, or getting up early to pray. I have never felt this way before.
I have felt complacent, I have felt like not doing it, I have put it off for a bit to clear my head and get things done but never like this. I don’t know what is going.. but I sure would like to find out. Anyway.. I cannot even wrapp my head around this anymore so I will stop here
Be Blessed!
